How do I know if I am a covert narcissist? This question often arises when individuals suspect they might be struggling with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), but are unsure whether they fit the more commonly recognized “grandiose” type or the less noticeable “covert” type. Understanding the characteristics of covert narcissism is crucial for self-awareness and seeking appropriate help if needed.
Covert narcissism, also known as vulnerable or shy narcissism, is a less obvious form of NPD. Unlike the grandiose narcissist who often boasts and demands attention, covert narcissists tend to be more reserved and secretive about their narcissistic traits. They may appear humble, self-effacing, and even vulnerable. However, beneath this facade, they harbor deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and a strong need for admiration and validation.
Here are some signs that might indicate you are a covert narcissist:
1. Low Self-Esteem: Covert narcissists often have a fragile self-esteem that is easily damaged. They may feel inadequate, despite their accomplishments, and are sensitive to criticism.
2. Envy and Resentment: They may envy others’ success and harbor resentment towards those they perceive as more fortunate. This envy can lead to feelings of bitterness and jealousy.
3. Secretiveness: Covert narcissists are often secretive about their true feelings and needs. They may hide their vulnerabilities and present a polished, perfect image to the world.
4. Need for Admiration: Despite their reserved nature, covert narcissists have a strong need for admiration and validation. They may seek approval through subtle means, such as making themselves indispensable to others.
5. Manipulative Behavior: They may use manipulation to get what they want, often playing the victim or the innocent party to gain sympathy and manipulate others into giving them what they desire.
6. Perfectionism: Covert narcissists often have high standards for themselves and others. They may become overly critical and demand perfection, leading to frustration and disappointment when these standards are not met.
7. Fear of Abandonment: They may fear being abandoned or rejected, which can lead to clingy or possessive behavior in relationships.
8. Internalized Anger: Covert narcissists may experience internalized anger and resentment, which can manifest as depression, anxiety, or other emotional difficulties.
It’s important to note that these signs are not definitive proof of covert narcissism. Many of these traits can be present in individuals without NPD. However, if you recognize a pattern of these behaviors in yourself, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a mental health professional for a proper assessment.
Understanding your own narcissistic tendencies is the first step towards healing and personal growth. A therapist can help you explore the roots of your narcissistic behavior, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and improve your relationships. Remember, it’s never too late to work on yourself and become the best version of who you are.
